Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! - Homer J Simpson.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep – not screaming, like the passengers in his car - Unknown.
I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Zsa Zsa Gabor
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world - Calvin.
Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front? Hobbes - Calvin and Hobbes.
Cheese … milk’s leap toward immortality. - Clifton Fadiman.
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. - John Peers.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner. - Lyndon B. Johnson.
He’s so optimistic he’d buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants. - Chuck Tanner.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Featured image courtesy: unsplash
